Oh, London, is it you? OR F***ING hospitality

What is London doing to people? I just found out that one of my closest friends`s (at least I thought so) financial problems occurred just because of him taking coke :(

I don`t know why, but this broke my heart more than anything else he could have told me... It just suddenly makes sense, all the weird and unexplained behaviour, all the lies and hidden things. I finally do understand and my mind is not exploding anymore trying to understand. But I am not sure if I feel better knowing it. Yes, as the matter of fact, it is better to be informed, but does it help knowing I was not trusted enough to be told? I feel dismissed, forgotten, underestimated. 

Is it London`s rush that makes people drink, smoke and take stuff or not  really? Or is it London that gives people excuse to forget who they are, allowing them to run and rush, keeping themselves busy doing things they don`t even know they want or  just not to come closer to their REAL selves? And then, tired and exhausted, they are looking for outside sources to keep them going? It is like denial of reality.

I have lost too many battles with addictions. I lost my DEAREST and BEST brother to it. I lost my FIRST LOVE to it. And now I feel I am losing another friend. Is it never enough, really? Is that a sign I should stop fighting it, leaving this to a primary source?

My last 2 years were spent in London, so many memories and almost none of it positive. Really, it is all like long, looong, dark period, I remember only winter and worries. And these news are just another attachment to the dark file.. :/ Do I need to give it another try just to see if it is London or people around me or should I leave it for good? 

I feel like I saw the dark side of the moon and there is still a day, when sun is rising, different people and different things to be busy with. I AM DEFINITELY DONE WITH HOSPITALITY BUSINESS. This is where all this shit, slavery, exploitation, unfairness and shitty alcohol and drug addiction comes from, this is where it is born. People with no interests and life whatsoever just find the easiest way to earn money and have fun. I HATE to see it all, I hate to see managers high on coke and supervisors smoking weed, bartenders and chefs drinking! I DO not want to be a part of it anymore! I have seen it all! And then they have taken another friend of mine. They are using this shit and they are welcoming other people to do it as well. Really, besides STOP cruelty towards animals, I have another wish- may RIVER THAMES please just flush all the F***ING restaurants and bars in LONDON so I never see them and instead a green green forests and fields would grow, there would be just nice home coffee shops and cafe`s around the town...